


Baz Is Angsty as Fuck (and Corny)

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, actually insecure simon too, basically they're huge saps, insecure baz, just a lot mutual pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 14:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: Baz loves Simon. Is it mutual, though?





	Baz Is Angsty as Fuck (and Corny)

There was a time that Baz had liked to imagine things.

In fifth year he liked to imagine Simon wouldn't kill him when Baz kissed him. He imagined Simon telling him he loved him. He imagined them having a relationship and holding hands.

Now that he and Simon _were_ in a relationship there were diffrent things to imagine. They were together for two years now and the things Baz imagined – and knew he could never have – were 'Will you marry me?', and 'I do' and 'Would you like to move in with me?'

He knew their relationship would never get more serious than she was now. They were together even longer than Baz had expected. None of them had even said 'I love you'. Baz knew why. (Simon didn't love him. Not really.)

Baz also knew the reason why Simon still lived with Penny instead of him. It was only a matter of time until Simon would get tired of him. Until then, Baz kept imagining. When he ran his fingers through Simons hair. When he was laying awake at night and silently watching Simon sleep.

When he closed his eyes he dreamt of a future he would never have. Sometimes he thought of a time that was to come in which Simon was gone and he was still here. But he pushed that thought far, far away.

 

It was christmas when it happend. Their two years anniversary. They'd had dinner. Simon had put on a suit. Baz had smiled at him but something was off about Simon. He looked nervous and tense.

_Merlin,_ Baz thought.  _This is it then. He's breaking up with me. He's just waiting for the right moment to say it._

Throughout the evening Baz got more grumpy. He barely touched his food.

Simon didn't know whether he should wait. Baz was clearly in a bad mood. It was certainly inappropriate to say what he wanted to say for months now. No. He would say it. He had convinced himself to finally do it and he woudn't stop himself.

'Baz,' he managed to say. 'We need to talk.'

Baz looked at him, eyes shimmering. 'Can't it wait until tomorrow?' _Can't you just leave me one more night with you?_

Simon wanted to say 'yes' because there was a chance that this would end everything between them. And he didn't want that ever to happen. But he woudn't back up now.

'No,' he said firmly. 'It can't wait.'

Internally, Baz braced himself for the words to follow. This would put an end to his silly imagining.

'Is there someone else?' Baz asked sadly. _A girl, probably. A girl like Agatha._

'What do you mean?' Simon answerd frowning. 'Oh... you mean like... Of course not, Baz, why would you think that? I didn't give you reason to, did I?'

'No, you didn't,' Baz whispered. So Simon was just tired of him, then.

'Listen... What I'm about to tell you... it's okay when... when we just stay friends. Please don't freak out, okay?'

Baz forced himself to nod. Simon lifted his chin to make Baz look at him. Their gaze met and Simon finally said it.

'I love you.'

Baz stared. Nobody said anything. The silence stayed for a second too long. Simon sighed.

'I see... Friends it is, then.'

Baz kept staring.

'Or... not, I guess. I mean, I guessed that this wasn't mutual but I didn't predict that it would make you so uncomfortable.'

Silence.

'You know, that's the reason why I didn't tell you all those years.'

Nothing.

'Baz?'

'You... love... _me_?'

'Ehrm, yeah.'

' _Me_?'

'Yes, you, who else?'

'You are not breaking up with me?'

'Why would I?'

Baz started to smile. The smile soon turned into a wide grin. He put his lips tenderly on Simon's.

Simon gasped.

'You're okay with it, then?'

'No,' Baz whispered. 'It's not that. I love you, Simon, I love you so much you wouldn't believe it.'

But when Simon melted into their kiss he believed it a little.

 

_Oh my god, I'm doing it, I can't believe im doing it, Aleister Crowley I'm really doing it._

Those were about Baz' exact thoughts when he dropped to his knee, the white rose in his hands shivering. Simon looked at him, his eyes wide in surprise. They were so blue. They took Baz' breath away.

'Simon,' Baz breathed. 'Your eyes are as deep as the ocean and so deep is my love- oh fuck that sounds incredibly corny, doesn't it? I-'

For once in his life, Baz was lost on words. He had it all planned out and here was stuttering and mumbling.

'I just wanted to tell you that a world without you is an empty world to me.'

_Still corny. Well, screw it._

'Maybe I'm going to have a _very_ long life and I have absolutly no idea how I want to spend it. Apart from one thing – I want to spend it with you.'

_Dammit, Simon just stares. You can still back up now, take it all back-_

_'_ Baz,' Simon whispered. 'Are you asking me if I want to be your wife?'

'Idiot,' Baz growled but he smiled. 'You saved me. In more ways than you even know – and therefore, I love you. I love you so much it scares me.'  
_Also corny. To hell with it. This is a proposal._

'Do you want to marry me?'

And it was better than Baz had imagined. It felt perfect. Here it was. His life. And right in front of him was Simon Snow saying the single most beautiful word that Baz had ever heard.

_'Yes.'_

 

Baz reality was better than his dreams because everything was so _real_.

_Time to stop counting stars,_ Baz thought when Simon said 'I do'.  _This is your dream come true._

 

 


End file.
